Change

I’ve heard it said before that the only thing guaranteed in life is change. Sometimes the winds of change lift you up and you soar like a bird through the heights, and sometimes those same winds whip your tender skin raw. Is it possible to choose which experience we have? Not all the time. It’s not always a choice. 

I’m not sure there is any way to fully control our emotional response to change. Especially change that is imposed upon us outside of our control. I believe we can at the very least, find a place somewhere in the middle of soaring and chapping, to rest while the storm passes. 

Lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot of change, as we all have. One minute to the next is a rollercoaster of emotion and circumstance. Even things like checking my email have brought with it trepidation, wondering what new policies or procedures are in place today. Not only is this new pattern of human existence difficult for our psyches to adjust to, but it’s also ravaging our bodies through overstimulation of our sympathetic nervous systems, leading to adrenal fatigue,  suppressing our immune systems, and overall ‘burnoutitis’. 

Something I noticed as I’ve been analyzing how I’ve been processing the changes happening, is that the terms ‘accepting’ and ‘numbing’ present themselves in similar behavior patterns. I had thought I had become very accepting of change in the past two years. Well with schools, work, the government agencies, etc. changing the world minute by minute, I certainly had to adjust to it right? I learned to go with the flow, and just do the next thing in front of me with very little heart space for planning any future events. I realized this week, however, I was not actually accepting the change and instead had become purely numb to it. 

The changes forced upon our world have been nothing short of traumatic. Trauma can be sneaky and hide out for a long time within us while we humans think we have ‘healed’ or ‘overcome’ or ‘moved on’. It’s only when we are ready to ask ourselves, ‘how did I heal?’, or ‘what did I actually do to process this?’ That we may find the answer is not that we have healed, but instead we are numb. 

Very very numb. 

If you find this resonates with you, you are not alone. It’s been a time of surviving, not thriving. That’s ok. It’s natural that we would use coping mechanisms to protect ourselves during the storms… it’s normal that we would not be able to process and heal while we are still actively being traumatized. It’s not over yet. 

Perhaps we can start to become aware though. Maybe we can stave off any further damage by starting this conversation within ourselves. Maybe it’s not time yet, but maybe it is. Maybe it’s time to start feeling the millions of feelings we have set aside unconsciously while we did the next thing in front of us when we baked the bread while the world collapsed because it’s all we could do. 

The thing is, we won’t be able to skip this part. There will be no ‘free passes’ on healing from this emotional trauma. It will be there festering and growing toxicity until we actively choose to feel again. Until we choose to heal again. 

Finding that safe harbor from the storm is imperative, protecting yourself from more damage can look like limiting social/ or traditional media, reducing the number of conversations you engage in about topics associated with the trauma, and choosing to participate in calming exercises designed to activate the parasympathetic nervous system like meditation and yoga. Once you feel safe enough to explore the feelings within, take it slow, or perhaps with a professional. Be kind and gentle as we all unpack the baggage the past two years have piled on our backs. 

It’s a long journey ahead of us all, but we don’t have to wait to start healing, to start feeling again. 

Once we feel we can start to truly accept change instead of numb it. Change can be exciting, good,  and purposeful! Let’s start the rewiring process now. Let’s heal.